Anger, Fear and Anxiety

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Anger and fear are just two natural reactions to what we sense is threatening. They often provoke us to fight or run away – known as the “fight or flight” reaction that is common throughout the animal world, including us. It is a basic survival mechanism. And we are still here! So, it worked.

Here is where it doesn’t work.

You are a little kid, and you are confronted by something threatening. You don’t even want to think about it. And you don’t – you bury it in the unconscious so you can’t.

There it sits until you are threatened again today. Immediately that hidden memory triggers the same emotional reaction, but this time, you assume that it is the current threat that is the cause of the reaction. The original experience remains hidden.

So instead of responding appropriately to this current situation, you are reacting to that past situation.  No wonder your reaction is so strong and often out of proportion to the incident.

That happened a lot as a kid. Now, as an adult, I very often find myself in these potentially threatening situations, that same fight or flight space, of anger or fear. It sometimes feels like I live always flipping from one to the other. I don’t know if I am coming or going. It makes me so tense… so anxious. Being caught between these two is also exhausting.

At a certain point, it becomes too much… and down you go. Withdrawn, sad, depressed. There are two possibilities. One: those threats are real, and like any self-respecting cave dweller, you need to either fight, or get the hell out of there. Or two, and more often: these are misplaced old reactions now dominating your life.

You just need the space to spend a little time with someone who is trained to help you unravel the confusion of what is causing what. Someone who is not involved, but whom you can trust to hold your virtual hand while you rediscover your natural ability to know the difference between a real threat, and someone who is just pressing your button. Then you can respond without anger or fear, which causes no anxiety now, or depression later.